Love, सूअर and a disease.

Just a few days back, during the ongoing Onam celebrations in my college, I tried my best to look the part, to dress up the traditional way. But the basic problem confronting me was that I didn't have a dhoti. And none of my friends had a dhoti, not even my female friends (can u believe it!). :P
My love for the Indian festivities forced me to think hard and find a way out. Finally, I took out a white handkerchief, and tried to wear it like a dhoti. But repeated attempts to wear it made me realised that, at best, my handkerchief could be used as a half-dhoti. Because no matter how hard I tried to cover myself using it, the alternate half of my lower body was inadvertently left exposed, and vulnerable to external threats. Eventually, I got tired and decided to wear the same handkerchief like a mask, instead of like a dhoti. A look at myself in the mirror reminded me of a "famous" love story (of which no one is aware).
This love story was of a man and a swine. They fell in love in unusual circumstances, tried to make unusual babies, and had to part in an unusual way. The reason for their parting was a disease. A dreadful disease known as the "swine flu".

Swine Flu has made everyone, absolutely everyone, wear surgical masks and roam the streets. Children, women, men, dogs, everyone! The fear was, and still is, rampant. The mask became a part of our lives. But there were some people who had to suffer a lot because of masks.
Emraan Haashmi had to suffer the most, as most of his signed movie projects were reportedly taken away from him. The reason producers gave was that "Emraan won't be able to do what he does the best with his mouth covered in a surgical mask". It has also been heard that Emraan roams around in his house wearing "only" his mask, in order to save costs.
Also, as a precaution, some of my friends in Mumbai have not been eating food or brushing their teeth, only because they want to stay safe by not removing the masks, even for a second.
More weirdly, some street lafangaas were recently seen throwing paper chits at female passersby, because they were unable to whistle loudly and pass comments, with those masks on. One of those lafangaashas decided to join school, to learn how to write (on bits of papers).

I realised that Swine Flu is a very dangerous disease. Almost one hundred lives in the "past few months" have been lost in India because of this disease! whereas only hundreds of children die "every day" because of hunger and starvation. But obviously, hunger and starvation is not something to fear, and not something to talk about, isn't it?
In fact, testing positive for AIDS seems to be an attractive prospect, rather than testing postive for Swine Flu.

Eventually, I removed the hankie from my face, washed it (my face, not the hankie sillies :P), and left for the auditorium.


P. S. It is a fact that more than hundred lives have been lost due to Swine Flu. Every life taken because of this stupid disease simply didn't deserve to be taken away. This is not the way to die, there is no justification to such kind of a death.
This article might bring smiles to some faces, but it will never be funny to those who have lost their close ones in the recent past, and this is what I will always regret.

THE MENTAL ASYLUM.

A Few years ago......

Dontanapalli villager: "What are they building in front of our village?"

Dontanapalli villager no.2: "A huge mental asylum."

Dontanapalli villager: "Why do u say so?"

Dontanapalli villager no. 2: "People will pay 9.5 lakhs to stay here. Yes u heard me right, HERE."

.......A couple of years passed and the under-construction structure turned out to be known as ICFAI Business School, Hyderabad.

Dontanapalli villagers tried hard, and finally got to terms with the fact that their territory had been invaded, permanently. Everything seemed to be normal for some time. But things changed, with the arrival of the Class of 2011, and their Freshers Party.

The Freshers Party: Going with the tradition of IBS Hyderabad, the Stale Batch(seniors) organised a freshers party for the Fresh Batch(juniors). The theme of the event was "Ganstarz". And according to unconfirmed reports, the seniors kept the the British Colonial policy in mind and "divided" the junior batch into different clans(international mafias), and made them compete with each other.

The clan with the highest number of points was to be declared the winner of Gangstarz 2009. And the winner would win NOTHING. Definitely nothing more than a few hugs from the their co-clan members(of the same gender as theirs).

The Catch: Although points were awarded for each and every event, but the highest number of points were to be gained by promoting the clan, mainly through CHEERING, at the top of your voice. This fact had a huge impact on the lives of all clan members, spanning across all clans. People got calls and messages at odd times asking them to come over and "cheer" for their clans. For eg.: "Yes...where are u dude??..POTTY... ok..nevermind, come and cheer for us at the CEO event. Dude, no need to wash...just run!!".

The frienzied "cheering" would cause the whole campus to erupt after every 3 minutes. Dontanapalli villagers were left baffled and scared, both at once. The yells of "D Gang", "Italian Mafia", "Yakuza" etc. thundered their ears day and night. Such was the fear of this sudden burst of yelling, that all mothers of Dontanapalli started warning their naughty little ones by saying: "beta soja..nahin toh yakuza aa jayega".

Was it a Party?: Although the freshers was supposed to be a party, a break from the tedious case studies and boring subjects. But reportedly, this was not the case.

It was observed that the promotion heads of the clans were busy stealing MARKETING strategies of competitor clans. The Section Representatives were busy extorting funds from the clan members, to FINANCE their activities. And various other functional heads of the clans were seen failing miserably in ORGANISATIONAL BEHAVIOR, because of their huge ego clashes. Further, the treasurers were busy siphoning funds by ACCOUNTING it, in a smart way.

After effects of CHEERING: The Freshers was over. And so was the ability of IBS students to "speak". What was coming out of the mouths of the students, whenever they tried to speak, was nothing but a squeak.

A little distance away, in Donatanapalli, these squeaks sounded more like "a hiss of a snake".

The Rumour: It was alleged that since all clan members had turned into Cheerleaders, discussions were made to provide each Male Cheerleader with a Skirt and a customised Top, by all clans, to add glamour to their respective promotion strategies.

A few hours ago.......

Dontanapalli villager: "What have they built in front of our village?"

Dontanapalli villager no. 2: "A huge mental asylum."

A SEXIST BLOG.

"Birds have wings to fly, but what do I have??"....I heard something like this in the promo of a MTV contest to select a teen diva who will later go on and represent India in some contest abroad. And it was not the first time I heard something like above from a girl's mouth. Some of my gal friends have said things like..."I want wings", "kaash mere paas pankh hote" etc. What I don't understand is why do they need wings? Isn't it better to live like a normal human being?? Surely they don't want wings to fly around like Superman and save the world...or am I wrong?
And to answer the question "birds have wings, but what do I have?"....gals have many important assets,which, as a male I can say are definitely much more attractive than wings. Just being born as an average looking girl assures them of at least a few boys chasing them(and maybe an odd lesbian too). But life is not so rosy for a boy, a boy can't get female attention unless he is super handsome or at least handsome, above average and average looking guys face a tough time and ugly boys like me have no choice but to claim abstainence and say that we are saints.

The other issue which baffles me is related to girls and their habit to cry almost anytime without any reason or logic. I mean, we mature boys cry only when something seriously goes wrong(for eg. we cry only when our sibling snatches away our toys or when our mom beats us up).

There are many issues I thought of writing here but on second thoughts I feel that its a lot better to stay alive.

I have written a lot of irrelevant and offensive stuff here. I wrote them to put relevance into this blog. I do this all the time and don't feel guilty...because I can always say sorry...like I am doing now!!

P.S.
1.I hope the diva contest winner is also awarded with feather wings which she can stick on her shoulders.
2. I hope the contest winner does not attempt to fly using those wings.